A Memory Of A Dream
by Jayne Stryker
Summary: Sophie got sick. Really sick. And when she wakes up, she doesn't remember anything, not even her own name, or her love for Howl. But certain things trigger flashbacks, memories. Can Howl help Sophie remember who she is?
1. Chapter 1

~A Memory of a Dream~

~Chpt 1~

I felt like I was falling, falling through the world. Images and faces whorled before me, all of them out of my reach. One face in particular kept spiraling around me. It was a man, with brilliant, heartbreakingly blue eyes, and creamy smooth skin. His hair changed, though. Sometimes it was blonde, once red, but mostly black. At the beginning, I could put a name to that face, Howl. But the further I fell, the less I remembered, and the more I felt like I needed to.

Then the pictures stopped spinning, and everything was black. Sometimes I caught snippets of conversations that sounded far away and ecoy, like down a long tunnel. There were several voices, one a small boy's, sounded worried and sad, one a man's sounding scared and panicky, and again very sad and worried, and one an old mans, sounding smooth and professional. Then I fell so far I couldn't even hear that.

xXx

When I woke up, I had the feeling I'd been asleep for a very long time. It took me a minute to open my eyes, and the sight that awaited me was nothing spectacular. The beamed ceiling of a room, wooden walls, plain and simple. There was a man asleep in a chair next to the bed I was in, slumped over onto the bed, his black hair spilling across the quilt.

My head felt heavy as I sat up, and my mouth was dry. The man stirred, then sat bolt upright, staring at me.

"Sophie! Oh Sophie you're awake! Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything? Sophie? Sophie say something!" I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, so I cleared my throat and tried again.

"W-who are you? And who's Sophie?" The man's face fell, and his eyes filled up with tears. I felt bad inside, knowing that I had made such a beautiful creature cry. Something about his face and the sound of his voice pulled at something in the back of my mind, and my heart. Something I knew I should remember, but I just couldn't.

"Sophie it's me, Howl! Don't you remember me?" He was sitting on the edge of the bed now, clasping my hands hard, like he was falling from a high cliff, and I was the only thing keeping him up. Again the name, Howl, pulled at something in my chest. But what? I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. I feel like I should remember something, but I can't." The man, Howl, was really crying now, tears running down his face. I couldn't stand to see him crying. I pulled him into a hug and patted his back. It felt right, to hold him like this. Why? What was it I couldn't remember?

Howl hugged me back, and then pulled away. "Sophie you're all skin and bones! You need to eat. I'll go get Markl, and he'll sit with you while I cook us up some breakfast." He got up and swept out of the room. He was much taller standing, and I was awed slightly by his charisma.

There was a knock at the door, and a young boy with red hair rushed in and hugged me. "Sophie your awake! We were so worried! Well Master Howl was worried; I knew you'd be okay!" I couldn't help laughing at this little boy's attempt at bravery. My voice was still raspy, and I had to clear my throat again before I could speak.

"You must be Markl. Could you get me some water please?" He stared at me a moment, sniffed, and rushed out of the room. _Great,_ I told myself._ You've managed to make a grown man and a little boy cry, and you don't even you know your own name yet! _


	2. Chapter 2

After much longer than it should have taken to get water, I decided to go see what all the fuss was. My legs where shaky as I stood, but after a few steps my strides evened out. The door to the room I was in was one on a long hallway that ended in a staircase. Slowly I crept down the hall, careful not to make the old floorboards creak. I stood at the top of the stairs, inhaling the smell of cooking bacon and listening to the pop and sizzle of cooking grease. But the food wasn't the only thing I was listening to. I could hear Markl crying and another male voice I didn't recognize trying to sound comforting.

"I'm sure Sophie will get her memories back soon. Howl, can't you make a spell or a potion or something?" I heard Howl sniff, and I could only imagine him shaking his head forlornly.

"Memories are something people have to remember on their own, Calcifer. All I can do is help." Calcifer, why did that name sound so familiar? It was such an odd name. I tried to remember, closing my eyes tight and trying to picture it.

Suddenly I wasn't standing on the stairs anymore, but watching an old woman in a blue dress with a red shawl put more logs on a fire, and sit down. The fire looked up at her and spoke. I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was as if there was cotton in my ears. Then everything was gone, and I was back on the stair.

The breath whooshed out of me and I sat down on the step with a thump. There was a clattering down below, and Howl's voice calling. He rushed up the steps and almost tripped over me.

"What are you doing sitting here on the steps?" He asked me. I still couldn't breathe; the vision swimming before my eyes. Howl sat next to me, and grabbed my hand in his and held it. He stayed like that, silently comforting me until I could breathe again, and finally, speak.

"Howl, who was the old woman in the blue dress? The one speaking to the fire?" He thought for a moment, and then laughed, a sound like brass bells, so beautiful.

"Why Sophie, that was you! Probably on the first night you got here. You just popped up out of the wastes. "

"I was an old woman? How?" He laughed again, really laughed. His smile was beautiful, and I couldn't help smiling to. He stood up and offered me his hand.

"Here, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll tell you anything you don't remember." I clutched Howl's hand as we walked down the stairs, my legs still wobbly from my episode. The room we walked into was large and homey, with a large hearth and books stacked anywhere there was room. It looked like it needed a good cleaning, however. There where dirty dishes everywhere, and the fireplace needed sweeping. But it felt happy. Howl pointed to a chair in front of the fire.

"Sit here, Sophie." I sat, grateful for the warmth of the fire.

"Sophie?" Startled, I looked around. The voice I hadn't recognized earlier had spoken, but I couldn't find the speaker.

"Down here, Sophie. The fire! Gosh never thought I'd have to do this again." I looked down, into a large pair of eyes, eyes belonging to the fire. I yelped and jumped up, backing into Howl. He wrapped his arms around me and led me back to the chair.

"It's okay Sophie, its only Calcifer."  
>"B-but it's a fire! Fires can't speak!" The fire, Calcifer, looked offended. And suddenly I wasn't scared of him.<p>

"Excuse me! I am a very powerful fire demon! And _you_ set me free, Sophie. Don't you remember me?" I shook my head no.

"I'm sorry Calcifer, but I just can't seem to remember anything from before I woke up." He looked sad, in a fiery way.

"That would be my queue!" Howl said.

"About a year ago, you got a curse put on you by the witch of the waste, to be an old woman. You wondered out into the wastes, looking for someone who could break your curse. You ran into Prince Justin, who also had a curse on him at the time. He brought you here, to my castle, in the middle of the night, where you met Calcifer. That was the vision you saw, a memory of that first night.

You worked like crazy as our cleaning woman, and slowly you started to break your curse. But when our house and shop where bombed in the war, I foolishly went off to protect you, and you saved us all, and gave me my heart back." Howl stopped and placed a hand on his chest, as if feeling anew the beating of his heart.

"Well, in a nut shell, that's what happened. I'd like to think we fell in love. I know I love you, with every fiber of my being. But how you could love someone like me, I do not know." His words left my mind reeling with questions. I tried to remember all he had said, but again, everything was black. Howl's face lit up, and you could almost see the flame of an idea above his head.

"Sophie, I think I may be able to help you remember. But I won't try it of you don't want me to." I shook my head, as much to clear it as to respond to him.

"I hate not remembering. I'd do anything to get back what I've forgotten." Howl smiled slightly, and turned me to face him.

"Good," he said softly. He placed his hand on the side of my face, gently lifting it to his. His lips brushed mine oh so lightly, but I could feel the electricity running through me. All these feelings, love, and a longing to be in Howl's arms, filled me completely. Gasping, I wrapped my arms about his neck and pulled him closer. He responded to my kiss, wrapping me in his embrace. Images flashed before my closed eyes, spinning so fast I couldn't make sense of them. Then they stopped on a scene, a young girl with silver hair in a yellow dress and Howl in a red shirt, kissing on a balcony in the sky, and the feeling of Howl's heart beating in my hands, warm and fluttery. _'It's still just the heart of a child…" _

I gasped, the world spinning back into focus. It took me a minute, but I slowly regained my bearing. I was in Howl's arms, in his kitchen, in front of his talking fire. I realized I had buried my head in his chest, my hands balled in his shirt. But he didn't seem worried like the first time. He was just holding my securely, reminding me that I was safe. And I did feel safe, here in this complete stranger's arms, even with all the strange things he'd told me.

"There now, let's get you back into bed, alright?" I could only nod, and when it became obvious I couldn't stand, he picked me up, as easily as a child, and carried me back into my room. He gently placed me in the bed, and pulled the covers up around me. Only when he turned to leave did I find my voice again.

"Howl?" He turned back to me, a sad look in his eyes.

"Yes Sophie?"

"Could you maybe… Stay here with me?" He smiled that smile of his, and sat in the chair.

"Will you lay with me, Howl? Just until I fall asleep." Without a word, he kicked off his shoes. I held the blanket back so he could crawl in next to me. I didn't know why, but I wanted him to hold me again. I was afraid that those awful visions would come back without him, but at the same time, I was afraid they wouldn't. I _wanted_ to remember, every second with this beautiful, amazing man I could.

He lay next to me, careful not to get to close. I rolled onto my side and rested my head on his chest. He gasped softly, and then wrapped his arms around me. As I slipped into sleep, I heard his soft voice whisper, "I love you Sophie, so, so much."

'_I love you to Howl.'_


End file.
